Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
