She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
