He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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