Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
