i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
