I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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