So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
