Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
