holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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