you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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