I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
