I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
