Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
