True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
