Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
