My brain says no but my pants say off.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
