the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
