random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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