The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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