I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
