dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
