I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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