thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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