I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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