question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
