Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
