It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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