they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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