i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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