Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
