I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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