i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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