there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize