wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
