I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
