remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
