He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
