It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
