Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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