just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Holy sore nipples Batman
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
