You smell like stripper and shame
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
