You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
