I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
