Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
