I cannot find my penis.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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