i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
But break dance skills will only take you so far
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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