I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
The air taste purple.
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