We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
