btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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