i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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