It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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