it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
