The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
