I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
