I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
