then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
