I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
we have officially lost it.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
