Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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