you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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