i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Randomize
