and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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