how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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