someone threw a dead crab at me
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
im six kinds of drunk right now
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
