I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
