We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
