so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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