Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
