dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
