so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you will always have a special place in my vag
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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