I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
