We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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