return my video game
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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