Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
