I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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