Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
