She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
