a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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