i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
