Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
