He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
