The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Everyone says I win the strip club
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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