I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
