My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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