the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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